Belonging
BELONGING IN: Peer Groups and in School
Kindergarten through High School
Issues that Impact Development of Positive Belonging: How to Prevent and Respond
Kindergarten to 2nd Grade:
Common Issues and Concerns:
- Being included not excluded- for example
- Being invited to the “big party” at a popular establishment;
- Getting a candy bag from classmates on Valentine’s Day, Easter or Halloween;
- Being offered a “cupcake” during the classroom birthday party;
- Being bullied and harassed by classmates.
Preventing and Responding:
- Remember to make each child feel as if he/she is included in all festivities, for example:
- When determining the attendee list for your child’s party, obtain the class roster and find a way to invite all of the children to the party;
- Ensure that your child has enough treats for everyone in class at the in-school holiday events (Valentine’s Day, Easter, Halloween);
- If you are planning to celebrate your child’s birthday or significant event during school hours ensure that you buy enough treats for everyone.
- Bullying begins as early as kindergarten and it can have a long-term effect.
- Pay attention to your child’s behavior and if you notice a personality shift- withdrawn, sad, scared- talk to your child and find out what is happening and than address all concerns immediately. Do not minimize the situation or your child’s reaction to it;
- If your child is being bullied, inform the authorities at school and make sure that all needed steps are taken to stop the abuse immediately;
- If your child is a victim of bullying ensure that your child knows that it is not his/her fault;
- Children who bully others may have been exposed to the behavior and encouraged to bully others;
- Bullies often model their behavior after someone he/she respects;
- Bullies may be the victims of abuse at home;
- Bullies may have conflicting parental discipline in two households.
3rd – 5th Grade
Common Issues and Concerns
- Body image concerns develop about weight, height, acne, hair, etc…
- Wearing the “right” type of clothing and shoes;
- Being a part of the “right” group;
- Continued bullying/belittling;
Preventing and Responding:
- Encourage the child to think for him/herself;
- Encourage the child to have confidence in one’s self;
- Encourage the child to be comfortable with advocating for self/others;
- Talk with the child openly.
- Model these same behaviors within your own family and friendships-your child will learn the most efficiently by observation.
6th – 8th Grade
Common Issues and Concerns are almost the same as the one’s experienced in 3 rd-5 th Grade however they increase:
- Body image concerns intensify about weight, height, acne, hair, etc…
- Wearing the “right” type of clothing becomes even more important;
- Being with the “right” group gains importance;
- Continued exposure to bullying/belittling;
- Academics begin to gain importance.
- Athletics/other interests (music, drama) begin to gain importance.
Prevention and Response suggestions remain the same however more adult involvement is needed:
- Encourage the child to think for him/herself;
- Encourage the child to have confidence in one’s self;
- Encourage the child to be comfortable with advocating for self/others;
- Introduce your child to other activities;
- Introduce your child to new groups of children;
- Find additional educational resources- tutoring, mentoring
- Help your child to develop where their interests are – do not push them towards an activity such as a sport unless they want to participate.
9th –10th Grade Freshman and Sophomore- High School
Common Issues and Concerns:
- Anxiety about the new setting, people and expectations;
- Body image- weight, height, acne, hair, etc…
- Wearing the “right” type of clothing is crucial because you are again at the bottom of the “totem pole” and trying to figure out how to “fit in”;
- Figuring out which group to be identified with and securing acceptance into that particular social group;
- Developing relationships with the opposite sex;
- Continued bullying/belittling but its new because the population has changed;
- Academics began to gain or perhaps lose importance.
Preventing and Responding:
- Recognize that you now have a young adult and accept that he/she is no longer a child;
- Communicate with your young adult at the proper level because they are no longer a child;
- Talk to your young adult directly and daily;
- Be open and encouraging;
- Know their friends and social groups;
- Be involved at the school;
- Hold them responsible for their actions and impose consequences;
- Encourage your young adult to think for him/herself;
- Re-Affirm all of the positives about your young adult and in doing so encourage the young adult to have confidence in one’s self;
- Encourage the child to be comfortable with advocating for self/others.
11 th –12 th Grade Junior and Senior- High School
Common Issues and Concerns:
- Academics began to gain much more importance;
- Body image- weight, height, acne, hair, etc…
- Stabilizing and or establish relationships with the opposite sex gains more importance;
- Maintaining acceptance in their social group and “climbing up the “ladder;”
- Having more “freedom”- longer curfew, obtaining a license, having the “right” car;
- Being allowed to make decisions independent of caregivers;
- Anxiety begins to develop about getting into the “right college;”
- Anxiety begins to develop about leaving what they know and going into a new social structure- college, trade school or the work force.
Preventing and Responding:
- Communicate more and be direct, honest and open;
- Be encouraging and supportive;
- Hold them responsible for their actions and impose consequences;
- Know their friends and social groups;
- Remain involved at school;
- Encourage your young adult to think for him/herself;
- Be supportive of positive behavior and openly discourage negative behavior;
- Encourage independence;
- Encourage the child to be comfortable with advocating for self/others;